Vegan Bean Chilli

Since going vegan back in January there have been a few meals that I have missed, the main one being chilli as my mum always used to make with Quorn or I would have it with turkey mince when cooking for myself at uni last year. And because I can't even imagine eating meat anymore let alone believe the idea that it is 'healthy' I decided to make a less processed version using whole plant based foods and fresh ingredients that my body will thrive on.

1/2 cup of canned or soaked kidney beans
1/2 cup of canned or soaked black beans
1/4 cup pearl barley (optional)
1 small can of sweetcorn
2 cups of whole cherry tomatoes
1 can of canned tomatoes
1 tsp chilli powder
1 tsp cumin powder
2 pieces of dark chocolate
1 onion finely chopped
1 bell pepper
1 clove of garlic crushed


1. Heat a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and soften the onion and garlic in a small amount of water.

2. Add the bell pepper and the cherry tomatoes, allow to heat up for about 5mins.

3. Stir in the chilli powder and cumin powder.

4. Pop the now soft cherry tomatoes and stir in the beans and canned tomatoes.

5. Leave to simmer for about 5 minutes, then stir in the dark chocolate (I used dark chilli chocolate this time but it doesn't make much of a difference) and add salt and pepper to taste.

6. Turn down to a low heat and stir in the pearl barley if you are using any.

7. Allow to cook for about 30 mins on a low heat.

8. Serve with rice and tortillas or potatoes.

9. Eat.

I also add nutritional yeast and sriracha to mine because I add them to everything...

XO, Miriam

The Texts I Never Sent You

Forever out of focus.

have debated writing this post, so many times now, I have written it out and deleted it more times than I can count. So the thing is after someone very close to me left my life I kept going to talk to them, say things I know from experience I shouldn't so I started typing all the texts and wanted to send out on the notes section of my phone. This is the result of a couple of months of trying not to talk to someone I used to talk to every day.

10th March:

I miss you

Can I talk to you? 

I love you, I don't think I will ever stop


11th March: 

Good morning

I just want to cuddle with you and escape this life

I wish you were still someone I could talk to about everything, I don't have anyone like that anymore and that scares me

Come back? 

12th March: 

I missed your face this morning, I wanted to make breakfast with you and watch anime

I decided to get some professional help today, hope you are doing okay. 

Why?! God damn it why?! I can't do this, it's killing me, please talk to me, please come back 

17th March: 

This isn't okay, I should have fought and I know that I should've fought for you for us because God damn it I miss you. I would do anything to have you back right now, I know you won't take me but I need you. I love you. I really hope you remember that because I don't know how much longer I can do this. 


20th March: 

I think I lied the other night when we spoke on the phone. I'm not sure I will ask you to consider. Maybe, the only thing I know is I miss having a friend who would do anything for me, who would look after me at my worst and at my best. I miss being able to be there for you when you hit rock bottom or when you are on a high. So I guess thank you for all of that. 

7th April: 

How are you? 

18th April: 

I thought I was done grieving over what we lost, and looking forward to friendship and everything else. But I'm not sure I am, you're still always there in the back of my mind, you're the one I want to talk to if I feel down. I miss the way you used to hold me until I was okay again, the way we could talk for hours or feel comfortable not talking at all in the same room. A friend of ours asked me if I was over you if I was talking to anyone else yet if I was okay. My answers were yes, no, yes respectively. Every 'yes' was a lie. 

19th April: 

I miss talking to you.

21st April: 

Last night was strange and I want to tell you about it, it was one of this best nights I have had in a while. And everything in me is telling me what I did was wrong, that I am cheating on you by kissing someone else, but I look at the reality and I'm not. I probably shouldn't tell you this but I think I will be okay without you. So what if he wasn't my type... So what if he wasn't the best-looking guy there, it was the confidence boost I needed to prove that I can move on from needing to talk to you. And finally, I think I am over this grief. 

Thank you for teaching me that I am stronger than the loss of you, stronger than you want me to be, that I can do me without your validation of my actions. I'm sorry but I no longer think I'm in love with you. 

23rd April:

And what if I told you I lied. What if I told you I still love you. Would it change things?

24th April:

I miss you, I miss everything about us, and I hate this, I hate that we wanted different things from ourselves. There is nothing I can do but scream 'what if' after 'what if' from the top of my lungs into my unflinching pillow before I sleep at night. 

26th April: 

Today I saw your name light up my phone, and everything in me is willing me not to fucking ring you. Cause God damn it I wish it didn't hurt that you don't reply when I ask how you are, I wish I could forget everything that happened between us, and I wish I could hate you but I fucking can't.

Please pick up.

9th May: 

Thank you.

*disclaimer, texts have been edited to create this post, and some texts are missing due to the use of the person's name or reference to personal details I do not wish to discuss*