The English Mademoiselle Diaries

I feel like an university student in this outfit, the crop tee is just a full length tee seen here, rolled under itself and pinned at the back. and I love this shirt with rolled sleeves and unbuttoned (less hipstery than a check shirt)....

Apple blossom is just the prettiest right?

XO, Miriam

P.s. What do you think of my outfit compared to the last one (here) I know which one I prefer...

Pale days are the ones that fall out of the sky after rainy and sunny days, they are neither extreme the sky is a pale grey:

"Not grey, exactly. Right before the sun rises there's a moment when the whole sky goes this pale nothing colour - not realy grey but sort of, or sort of white, and I've always really liked it because it reminds me of waiting for something good happen" - Delirium by Lauren Oliver

On days like this all I wish to do it match the colour of the sky, and just be (kinda) invisible for the day. I couldn't decide how to wear what I was on this day so for this post at least I went for something a little put together, I even put a pair of earrings in, and tied my messy hair back out of my face. I am going through a blue phase at the moment, I do this from time to time I only seem to wear blue, which for most people would probably mean repeating outfits twice or more a week. However I have several items of blue clothing and jeans to pair with black, white and grey. Perfect for days like this where the sky matches my shirt and my converse in the kind of way that makes it seem like it is just about to rain.

Ripped jeans, which were bought in pristine condition not a tear to be seen now cover my legs in jeans that look like they were bought that way. I feel like a proper teenager wearing these, especially with band tees and open shirts (flannel shirts). And the only thing that reminds me that it is April on these days in the Apple Blossom on the wall.

XO, Miriam

In a flurry of inspiration I went from scrawling venomous words in deep inky black, the kind that worries people, the kind you are scared of, not because of what is in it but because you have been blinded. The kind of darkness that makes you fear the future and the unknown and retreat back under the covers. To drawing the Mad Hatters Hat. Sometimes I wonder, Am I Alice before she looked through the looking glass? The answer is yes as to me the world is still enchanting and the Mad Hatter is still real enough to touch in my mind, cracked tea pots and sunken eyes. But so much more than that the sort of person you would miss in a future life.

"I am Alice before she looked through the looking glass"

So I took to my supplies of which I don't have many and tied them up in knots around a bowler hat seen here. Drew 10/6 on some folded paper, attached it to the spotty material with mismatched stud earrings and for a while I was the Mad Hatter complete with a fresh cup of tea (even if it was Green Tea, not English Breakfast Tea..).

I can see myself wearing this out at some stage, with some backcombed hair and pale eye make-up, and lest I forget the old school blazer, worn with ripped jeans and Doc Martens would be so perfect. But for now it will sit with pride upon my split end ridden messy hair. Not that, that matters at all I am only doing English revision today.

XO, Miriam

P.s. Follow me on instagram: @englishmademoiselle to see journal updates/clues to my next posts ;)

So instead of a tripod or my darling sister taking photos it was S. He has taking photos of me before but I still find it quite difficult to relax in front of the camera if he is behind it... Nevertheless he kindly took a few photos on what he called our first "proper" date (Dinner out followed by a cinema trip) and much to my dislike he paid for it. Naturally I chose a spot in front of the cathedral surrounded by alarmingly large trees.

//Jumper - Primark//Dress - H! by Henry Holland//

We went to see Noah, which I am now going to recommend to the rest of the planet, but with the warning that crying and a slight sick feeling are normal for the film. I have read the original story in the Bible as well as the version by Julian Barnes which I personally prefer because it is more realistic. The film plays to something halfway between the two, and left me questioning the way we live and if we need to use everything that we have.

XO, Miriam

"I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen" - Fifteen by Taylor Swift

I still don't know who I am meant to be in this life, I have so many ideas that run at full speed through my head in the hope that some day I will catch one and run with it. But until then I shall wander through the gardens of old houses and write scruffy words and weird meaningless drawing on lined paper.

Maybe it was the way I was brought up or the number of times I read the Narnia collection that influenced my love of old houses and their formal gardens. There is something magical about them, that makes me feel like I am living in a fairytale or I should be swanning around in Downton Abbey style dresses...

An open door to the not so secret garden...

Pages from the last couple of days in my journal, some days it is 4 or 5 pages of solid writing and then other days I draw and write. I get the majority of my inspiration for this blog from my journal so I guess my blog is the best bits of my ideas that I scrawl in black ink and watercolours.

XO, Miriam

Edit by me. (Images from Google Images)

I read this book a year or so ago, but I have only just got around to watching the film and it spurred me to re-read this gorgeous book. There is nothing I don't love about this book, and for me at least the film did it justice, which I very rarely think. I never thought I would cry a second time over the book, but I did, not full on sobbing but there were tears and a tissue involved.

"I sit, I watch, I understand, I am a Wallflower."

I found myself thinking about Stephen Chbosky's characters long after I finished the book, both the first and the second time through. For me that is not only a sign of a good book but that the ideas that the author represents through their words still ring true for both society and for me on a personal level. I connected with it in that in so many ways I am just like Charlie, socially nervous/anxious I tend to take a back seat, I sit, I watch, I understand, I am a Wallflower. I blend in because it is easier that way, it is something I am hoping to change, I am not like that for the same reason Charlie is though. The sign of a good author for me is can you relate to character traits in all of the characters that they weave into existence, and the answer is yes for this book.

XO, Miriam

P.s. I am in love with the soundtrack, especially The Smiths.

The photo card says: "You're my cup of tea" and it reminded me of Alice in Wonderland so it has been added to my wall.

Lately I have be wondering about my blog, and what it is for now I have completed the CAS programme section of the IB. I considered whether it could go in new directions, or if it should be removed entirely. I came to the conclusion that it shall go in new directions, ones that suit me not the few people who read my blog. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate them reading, but I believe that for me at least having a blog should be for me.

Now I have decided to get back into blogging for me more than I have over the past few months, and for that I need to be more comfortable with myself both internally and externally, which I hope I will be able to achieve more easily when I have finished my exams. I also want it to be a place to recorded my thoughts and internal monologues that I keep in a neat on the outside but scruffy on the inside journal. There is no time like the present to begin a new way of thinking and therefore typing.

So here goes nothing important to everyone but me:

I guess this is something I have always wanted to do, cover up "that" school logo, with it's obnoxious motto. But I also know that "that" school and it's logo shaped me to be who I am today, whether that be good or bad.

"This world is all so real and fake. Only what you experience is real, what you see with your eyes and believe in your heart, everything else fades into nothingness compared to those memories of what you have done." - mon journal intime

Blurred images and unrealistic ideas of what I should be to "fit in" hide under this bowler hat. All of those stupid, crazy, fansical (is that even a word?) dreams that spill out on to pages of paper filled with in and ideas of my own personal wonderland fill my head when I take myself away from people where I sit nervously, never knowing how to act or what to say.